The child is grown, the dream is gone. I…have become comfortably numb…
- Pink Floyd
I remember having dreams, once upon a time, that didn’t involve winning the lottery. They were my youthful dreams from a long ago life when I believed all the hype my parents told me about myself. You’re beautiful. You’re so smart. You can be anything you want to be. They were the final thoughts floating through my mind as I drifted off to sleep at night. They were the threads that I clung to when I felt I was about to fall off of life’s precipice.
My biggest pipe dream back then, the one if I could have been anything I wanted, was to work with gorillas. I think to live in the African forest and observe a troop of gorillas would be absolute perfection. I would have given anything to be able to watch them in their natural habitat and have them become used to me so I could get closer without disturbing them. When I was very young, I would read all about Koko, the gorilla who knows sign language, in Weekly Reader. I was fascinated by the idea that a gorilla could speak to humans with its hands. Koko could very well have started me down the science road that I love so much but have never done anything about. Interesting sidenote: I learned that Koko is the same age as I am and also doesn’t have any children. I have so much in common with a gorilla.
In Florida, I worked with a guy who had previously worked at Marineland and got to play with dolphins every day. I was so jealous and made him tell me stories about his experiences. If not working with primates, I would love to work with sea mammals like whales and porpoises. To this day I have felt that I should be working with animals, which is probably why I’m living with five dogs, three chunky cats, two goats, and two donkeys.
I also had the dream, which I think every teenage girl has, where I become an actress and make a fortune and a string of classic movies which are loved and remembered by generations to come.The issue with this particular dream is that I’m not confident enough to be an actress. I don’t know if I could mentally handle putting myself out there and potentially making myself look like an idiot. The nastiness of reviewers and critics, along with today’s Internet user, is also something I don’t think I could stand. I’m not an exhibitionist. I don’t want everyone looking at me. When I was younger it might not have been an issue but it’s certainly nothing I want now, at this point in my life.
Dreams are funny things. They say without dreams, you have no hope. However, I don’t think the dreams of a teenage girl could possibly be the same as a forty year old woman. I had big visions for my life way back when. Now, I dream of winning the lottery. When I stare off into space and lose myself in daydreams as an adult, I am wishing for an easier life where my bills are auto-paid and if I want to spend a day laying in my hammock reading, it’s perfectly okay. If I wanted to get in my minivan and take a day-trip across the state, I could do it without having to debate whether I can afford the cost of gas. I guess as long as I still dream of winning the lottery, I’m not completely without hope, right?